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Mothers' Day Grief

It’s that time of year again when the displays return to flower and card shops, the advertising on social media and in the local shops all focus on Mothering Sunday. This day is recognised whereby we celebrate and honour ‘The Mother’. If you are lucky enough to still have your mother, Grandmother, aunt or whoever you feel that mothering connection with, then this day can be all about sharing and expressing your love and gratitude to that very special person.

As we sit in our beds waiting for our children to burst in with a handmade card and gift from school or even just a cup of tea with a grunt and a kiss on the forehead, whatever way it is acknowledged, it is still a recognition that we are, in fact, their Mom.

Sadly, there are lots of us who won’t be getting this wake up call, for one reason or another. It may be that your Mom has sadly died, perhaps you have been pregnant but unfortunately suffered a miscarriage, it may be that you have been trying for years to conceive a child, or perhaps you are a Mom even though it can’t be seen outwardly by the world. Whichever it is, this day can feel very heavy and can create an abundance of different feelings and emotions. The build up of ‘Mothers Day’ can go on for weeks before the event so it can feel like a daily silent trigger of our emotions which constantly reminds us about what we haven’t got. We can experience sadness, anger, frustration or even jealously, whichever emotion you are feeling, the grief or loss can feel just too much.

Everyone will handle their grief in their own way. What is important to remember is that there isn’t a right or wrong way to do it, you will just do it in the best way that you can. Some days this may feel manageable, others it may not, especially on days like Mothering Sunday when all you can see and hear is Mothers with their children/grandchildren.

Remember it is your choice to do whatever you choose to on this day. Perhaps for some it can be a time to feel sad and you can really feel that empty space that has been left. For others it may be about reflecting and remembering happier times. If you decide to acknowledge the day or not, it is totally your decision. Go with what you are feeling, whether that be making plans or not. Remember there are no rules.

If you do decide that you want to celebrate the day, then have a look at some of the things that perhaps you could do to remember your Mother figure. It’s about finding that connection wherever or however that may be.

  • Go and visit your Mother’s/Grandmother’s resting place

  • Visit one of her special places that she liked to visit

  • Cook her favourite meal

  • Look through some old photographs

  • Read her favourite poem or book

  • Share stories and memories

  • Write her a card or letter letting her know everything that you have been up to

If you don’t want to acknowledge the day then that’s OK as well. Treat it like any other Sunday and do whatever you choose. Here are some suggestions;

  • Take a break from social media

  • Spend the day in bed watching TV

  • Go for a walk or run

  • Exercise

  • Buy flowers for yourself

  • Treat yourself to a gift

The most important thing to remember is, to be kind to yourself. This is something that we are not very good at doing at times, but we should definitely practice it more! Honour yourself as one of the very best things that your Mom did do, was to have you!

Motherly love is a truly unique and special gift which has no ending.


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